The front door was wide open, wind cutting through the house while my ex wrestled with the new lock, his brow furrowed in frustration. For an hour, he jiggled, twisted, and muttered under his breath, convinced we had bought the wrong one. Meanwhile, the cold seeped in, and so did my irritation. The electric bill ticked higher, something he no longer pays, but I held my tongue. At first.

“Did you read the directions?” I finally asked.

He shot me a look…the universal expression of a man who absolutely did not read the directions but would die before admitting it. I grabbed the box, unfolded the paper he had tossed aside, and within seconds, I found the solution: a simple adjustment we could have made an hour ago.

Why do men refuse to read the directions? Is it stubbornness? Overconfidence? A genetic defect? I’ll never know. But I do know I don’t have time for unnecessary detours, whether it’s fixing this house or fixing my life.

Tackling the to-do list was easier than tackling the relationships tangled around it. The lock was a puzzle, but at least it had instructions. My relationships? No such luck.

The dynamics with my ex are complicated enough, but then there’s my kids. My son backed out of visiting Sunday, and I thought I was making progress with my daughter, until I realized she wasn’t just here to help. She had plans with her dad and his girlfriend. That part stung.

He never wanted to go anywhere with me. Concerts, nights out, even simple plans, he always had an excuse. And now, here he is, not only going out and doing all the things he once refused, but doing them with his girlfriend and our daughter. Watching him take her to concerts and nights out was like pressing on a deep bruise. A reminder of every ‘no’ I got and every ‘yes’ she’s getting now.

And then there’s Mr. S.

The man who put a ‘Spark’ back into my life just when I thought I was too old to start over. Oh, he saw me, the way I hadn’t been seen in years. He made me believe in passion again. But here’s the problem: I know he’s not the man for my forever. He was the main character in my detour, not my destination.

So now, the question: Do I hold onto him a little longer for the happiness he brings, or do I let him go and re-route? I can’t decide if holding on to him is saving me from loneliness or keeping me from freedom.

So here I sit, unresolved relationships swirling in my mind while the front door hardware is half installed, the downstairs bathroom is ¾ of the way complete, and the to-do list feels like it’s growing, not shrinking. I thought the hardest part of this stage would be selling the house, but it turns out, it’s deciding who I want in my life and how to keep the important people close, even while I feel so distant.

They say ‘no pain, no gain,’ but right now, it just feels like pain. Still, somewhere beyond the to-do lists and emotional wreckage, I know there’s a beach waiting for me. I just need to get through the mess to find it.